i know i've been gone a while, here's a little writing offering. i will be back, just waiting until i burn rather than glow.

http://littlemissbenzedrine.dreamwidth.org/

i'll try to remember to cross post original writing, fanfic will be on this journal alone.
:)

love you all.

k
x

okay, i got bored.
from anon_lovefest.

Spencer is genuinely surprised when he hears yelling coming from the back lounge.

Not the actual act of yelling itself, he's become pretty used to that over the past few weeks - maybe months, he's lost count of how long - but rather who's doing it.

It's Brendon yelling at Ryan, and that, that's something he's not heard in a long time. Ryan's the one with the short fuse, who'll pick an arguement with the least cause, and Brendon's role is to just accept it, to wait for him to work through it and know that it was nothing serious.

It never is with them normally - it's just yet another show in the series that has become their lives. Spencer sometimes wonders if either of them can truly stop performing, even behind closed doors.

However, this is a break from the status quo, and a potentially devestating one at that - Ryan must really have pushed Brendon too far if he's provoked him into getting angry.

Spencer can't make out what he's saying, just the weeks of anger and frustration pouring out, a seemingly unstoppable force. All things must come to an end though, and everything is quiet for a moment before Brendon storms out of the room, the anger darkening his features failing to obscure the sheer exhaustion. Ryan comes to the doorway, and if Spencer didn't know any better he'd say Ryan's stance is almost timid, unsure. "Bren," he says, and there's a definite uncertainty in his tone, but Brendon ignores it. "No, not now," he replies shortly, walking out and slamming the door behind him.

Ryan collapses on the sofa next to Spencer, and Spencer can't remember the last time he saw him look so tired.

"I hurt him Spence," Ryan says quietly, "I didn't realise I had the capacity, the power to hurt him that badly."

Spencer desperately wants to say something to lighten this mood, the intensity that's drowned this moment, but he can't force the words past his lips. This is not what Ryan needs, he needs to rationalise it in his own mind, to figure out why he's pushing Brendon away, why he let him so close in the first place. Or at least that's what Spencer thinks the silence means.

"The worst thing though was even as I was saying it, meaning it to hurt, it was torture for me to do it. I love him, so much so that sometimes I wake up in the dead of night and it just fucking aches. It might kill me, might kill him, but we need to be together. We never got a choice."

Okay, this is possibly one of the weirdest nights of my life.

I just spoke to Ryland and Suarez on the phone while my friend with her hybrid scottish/english accent yelled excitedly/drunkenly at them and i acted like an idiot.

She also told ryland I walked into him at the Glasgow gig [which I already felt stupid about.]

Yeah.
Really strange.

There's Gotta Be Somebody Who Understands.
Gabe/William, William/Tom, implied Tom/Jon.

Gabe’s already expecting the slam of the door, yet he still jumps when it comes.
It’s William. It’s always William.

( it's just like deja vu, me standing here with you. )

I would just like to say;

COBRA COBRA COBRA.

[wow, my fingers almost wrote Conrad. Stupid story infecting my brain.]

But anyway -

Cobra! Tonight! Glasgow! New camera!

Pictures after.
xD

THE ANONYMOUS WRITING FEEDBACK MEME

go. comment on everyone. =P

This story hates me.

Seriously.

-My characters are awkward and fail-y when they're meant to be seductive and oblivious respectively.
-The plot makes absolutely NO sense.
-The plot has deviated more than a little from the prompt.
-I only have 524 words - my life can be categorised by little blobs of writing that are never very long and don't go anywhere.
-There's lots of talking and I only ever do dramatic speeches, not everyday dialogue.
-It is supposed to contain porn. I suck at writing anything above PG.

There are a few more reasons, but these are the main points. I'm going to read them again, read the story, and hopefully make it suck a little less.

Exams over.
Cobra in 5 days.
21st Century Breakdown on the speakers.
Writing some anon_lovefest fic.

Life is good.
^_^

Yes! Dreamwidth ^_^

I'm online just waiting for Green Day UK tickets to go on sale... 4 different ticket sites open, desperately waiting.

I think I'll post my first story here today/tonight. Maybe. I like to fill up journals quite quickly... blank space or only a couple of entries irritate me.

=)

Title; The Kind Of Beauty That Moves.
Pairing; girl!Brendon/girl!Ryan, Jon.
Summary;Jon had always thought that photographs did tell the story, and that to say otherwise was just to indulge in that romantic cliché. However every time he catches sight of the photo on his wall, the one that still draws his eye even in a montage of all his friends in various casual (and sometimes downright ridiculous) poses, the realisation hits all over again that there are just some stories too complex for the lens to capture.
Author's Notes; Written for an anon_lovefest prompt =)

Here are a few of my favourite quotes, lyrics, poems, etc...

We are earthquakes
We are tidal waves
We're destruction at its finest
Yeah we are lava in the cave
We feed on the irony
We drink hypocrisy
We are everything we hate
But we have everything we need.

[Reckless Abandonment. The Spill Canvas.]

I love you in the same way
There's a chapel in a hospital.

[Hum Hallelujah. Fall Out Boy.]

Burn the books that you adored
With words you stole from fools before.

[Pillow Talk. Kids In Glass Houses.]

Somebody get my phone
So I can throw it in a public pool
And watch it float
And as it's slowly sinking down
Become a social ghost.

[We've Got A Big Mess On Our Hands. The Academy Is...]

The Mrs will stay with the cheating attorney
Moonlighting aside, she really needs his money
A wonderful charicature of intimacy.

[Build God, Then We'll Talk. Panic! At The Disco.] [back when they were.]

Don't call it a crush, baby,
You know I love you too much to be crushed like that.

[Little Razorblade. The Pink Spiders.]

I sing and sing of awful things
The pleasure that my sadness brings
As my fingers press on to the strings
Yet another clumsy chord.

[Haligh, Haligh, A Lie, Haligh. Bright Eyes.]

Now I'm here by the ocean
Just waiting for proof
That there's sunsets in sillhouette dreams
While my sandcastles fall like the ashes of cigarettes
And every wave drags me to sea
I could stand here for hours hust to ask God the question
"Is everything here make believe?"
With a tear in his voice he says,
"Son, that's the question"
Does this deafening silence mean nothing to no one but me

[You Be The Anchor That Keeps My Feet On The Ground, I'll Be The Wings That Keep Your Heart In The Clouds. Mayday Parade.]

What passing-bells for these who die as cattle?
Only the monstrous anger of the guns.
Only the stuttering rifles' rapid rattle
Can patter out their hasty orisons.
No mockeries now for them; no prayers nor bells;
Nor any voice of mourning save the choirs,
The shrill, demented choirs of wailing shells;
And bugles calling for them from sad shires.

What candles may be held to speed them all?
Not in the hands of boys but in their eyes
Shall shine the holy glimmers of goodbyes.
The pallor of girls' brows shall be their pall;
Their flowers the tenderness of patient minds,
And each slow dusk a drawing-down of blinds.

[Anthem For Doomed Youth. Wilfred Owen.]

 

There are millions more of these, but this is just a selection...

Yes, my angst is over.

2 pieces for anon_lovefest done, one of which I'd been panicking over the other night.
Assignments... not underway yet, but I'm feeling okay about them.
Cold - it is getting better... sort of.

I'm also going to try this late night writing thing, I quite like it.
=)

And apparently I'm better with prompts... who knew?

i saw the end today in a glass of water.
i'd picked it up from the sea, and there it was - the end of the world.

all the scientists, all the theorists, all the intellegence and affluence in the world couldn't save us.
but maybe they didn't want to be saved. maybe existing is too goddamn hard.

so if surviving doesn't scare me like it should, the end of the world should be nothing.

right?

Title: Dreams Just Aren't Enough.
Rating: R
Pairing: Ryan/Brendon (Ryan/Keltie, slight Ryan/Spencer, implied Ryan/OMC)
Summary: It’s been around a week since he’s had any idea where they are, each stop passing with a blur of sweltering days, screaming fans and long, sleepless nights.
Notes: I wrote this a while ago for patd olympics for the prompt 'Blood Is Thicker Than Water' and never quite got around to posting it on my journal... beware major angst...

Wow, I must talk about the boys way too much.

*coke advert comes on*
me; Aaaah! it's brendon and patrick!
my brother; Patrick Stump?
me; *bemused* yeah...

Worrying.

At least I didn't start off on the story of why he's one of my favourite small people ever...

ETA - this is a victory for the angels as the only music my brother listens to has an overwhelming bass and synth in the background. evil.

Wow, it's been a while since I've written on here - I have been reading though.

But, as usual, I'm on to ask a favour.

I've done a fic for anon_lovefest, but I desperately need someone to read it over and let me know (a) any mistakes and (b) if the actual story's any good. Basically, a real critic lol. It's been so long since I've written something serious and quite dark and I'm not sure I like what I've written.

So, any volunteers would be greatly appreciated, but if not it's fine.

Hope everyone's doing well anyway. =)

Title; It's A Love Story, Baby Just Say Yes.
Pairing; always-a-girl!Brendon/Mikey
Summary; Brenna had always imagined that when she got married it would be a fairytale affair, with the picturesque church, the ten foot train, and, of course, her very own Prince Charming waiting for her at the end of the aisle. However, over the past twenty-two years she’s learned that nothing ever turns out exactly as you imagine it. The Wedding.
Author's Notes; I took a vote and this was most popular - so here it is. Hope you enjoy =)
Part of the Sing Me Anything verse.